if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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