Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have feelings that need drinking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
