Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
