She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
