everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
