I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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