If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
