Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
