you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
