I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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