Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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