hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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