Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
