Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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