I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
