I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
