He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
being pregnant is like rehab
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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