so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
