I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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