No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
