I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
