i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
