Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
