Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
