So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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