Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
