It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
