What a fucking waste of an outfit
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
