the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
