new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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