i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
a search helicopter?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He did a backflip because drugs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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