Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
