my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
