honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
