The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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