I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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