It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
