True but thats because hes a fetus.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I supernannyed him into submission
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize