we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
