Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ladies don't puke and tell
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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