My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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