I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
