please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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