I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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