all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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