kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
