What did we do last night that was yellow?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
