You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
