so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
