Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
