Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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