Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
