Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
