Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
