I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
