I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
