it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
