She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I looked at my own cervix.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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