Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
