I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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