College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
