you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
