I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
