she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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