You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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