I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
