You work out of a Hotel?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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