you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
