They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
